I had a client once tell me “Yasmin, I want my love life to be like a movie. I want it to be dramatic and passionate, I want to it to be a whirlwind of emotions”. As soon as she said that, I stopped her and said “The type of love and relationships you see in Hollywood movies is actually not something you want to have, that’s what you THINK you want, but in reality you want a relationship that is peaceful and full of love and presence, not something that stimulates your traumas”. She nodded her head slowly and was actually in shock that I said that, it was like a lightbulb went off in her head.
Let’s take a classic Disney movie like Sleeping Beauty for example. As young girls, we watch that and think it’s so romantic to be saved by the prince and then we fall in love and live happily ever after. Sounds like a dream right? That’s not the reality though. We grow up thinking we can find that in romantic relationships and we search for others to save us and free us from our misery and traumas which leads to codependent behavior. On the other side of the coin, we might also want to save others and free them from their misery. This isn’t what a healthy relationship entails!
Healthy relationships are all about the 3 I’s which are individuality, interdependence, and intimacy. We want to be able to have all of these things with our partner, this is the ultimate goal. We’ve been so programmed to think that love is about drama, unhealthy sex, and extreme emotions, when in reality those things are not healthy in the long run. They may be exciting and they might feel familiar to us but that’s something that we need to be aware of if we want to attract a healthy partner and stable relationship into our life. We can begin shifting these beliefs by realizing that what we see on social media and in movies is NOT real life! It’s all made up, it’s an illusion that we hold onto. Be mindful of the content that you consume and what stories and beliefs your mind attaches itself to.